CHAPTERS
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CH12P11
Posted on 10 December 2023 by rustyhearts

50 thoughts on “CH12P11”

  1. Ada

    Oh Meriam T___T

    Oh Shez T_____T

    I’m just holding on to the knowledge that in present day Shez is happy and thriving and Chris is (I hope) six feet underground and thoroughly eaten by worms.

    6

  2. Homegirl breastie

    Fuck Chris. All my homegirls hate Chris.

    6

  3. Simp

    So he cut her eye? I first thought he punched her back.

    2

    1. rustyhearts

      Hmm I’d never considered cutting. It’s always intended to be vague, something only Meriam witnessed (and will likely take to her grave). As readers you’re meant to be left to guess, only knowing as much as Shez knows which is: whatever he did, it was bad enough to need stitching ans to cost a Shez her sight.

      4

      1. BlackSwallowtail

        I figured he’d backhanded her and his rings or watch or something got her. Guess he could also have picked her up and slammed her against something. Horrible regardless of how. 🙁

        4

        1. rustyhearts

          All possibilities. I figured the horror of not knowing exactly what, but knowing the damage he did makes it worse in a lot of ways.

          2

  4. Anita

    I love the progression of time in the middle row of panels; how clearly it communicates that this is no easy matter. Shez’s inuries heal, but the scar remains.
     

    I feel terrible for Shez, being put in a situation where she has to take on so much of the burden when she is still so young. And I feel equally terrible for Merriam, who so clearly wants only good things for her daughter and yet is forced to put her into this position.
     

    Meanwhile Chris pretending that nothing happened and just going on is so realistic yet so fucking enraging. He doesn’t even pretend to regret what he did, he doesn’t acknowledge that he upended Meriam’s entire existence and everything she believed about her life. I genuinely hope he dies.
     

    I’m taking a lot of strength from that QnA panel where Shez remembers buying her mom a house. It’s so good to know that they will make it through this.

    4

    1. rustyhearts

      Thank you 🥰🥰🥰
      I’m glad you can find some peace in that Happiest Moment QnA. Between that and Shez beginning her story with the fact she saved her family’s life, I hoped readers would be able to make it through the worst of these pages.

      3

  5. Blais

    To see how long Shez’s hair is getting… and to see how Shez and Meriam are having to hide and “play along” with Chris for actual years… that breaks my entire heart. But the fact that Shez and Meriam took each other’s sides and decided they were gonna get their family away from him, together? That’s gonna stitch it back up!

     
    If only Chris would drive his shiny new car off a bridge and into the ocean. If only. It’s mind-bending when abusers continue after their violence like nothing happened. It can make the victim wonder if it was “normal” and “deserved”, or if enough time passes between assaults, the victim can try and minimize it in their memory. Even if a man really “only did it one time”, it’s traumatizing and meant to intimidate – his wife and family can spend years feeling controlled by it.

     

    But since Meriam and Shez have each other as a support system, they can lean on each other to stay in reality, instead of the roles Chris wants them to play. While it’s bleak and awful that they have no other supports, it’s so good that Meriam is in Shez’s corner.

     

    (Also, I am aware that “escaping the monster who trapped your family” is a bigger task than a teenager should have to handle, and is damaging from a child development perspective.

    Speaking as someone who’s been in a similar position to Shez, I’d put that blame solely on Chris’s shoulders. I think it’d be at least as damaging if Shez watched her mother struggle in this awful situation that affects Meriam too and never ask her daughter for help.)

    2

    1. rustyhearts

      Yes, yes, yes! To everything you’ve said here! Happy to see so many readers picking up on the unwavering bond between Meriam and Shez. I think you’re going to like very much how it grows stronger 🩷

      1

  6. Scully

    Shez’s hair growing out is such an interesting way to demonstrate the passage of time in the middle panels, along with the bruises healing. But I can’t help but wonder if that’s Shez’s choice, considering both before AND after her and her mom are out from Chris’s thumb Shez always has short hair.

     

    Although if Chris is forcing She’s to grow out her hair I’m surprised he’d still allow her to dress like a tomboy and have hairy legs. But when I was younger and my mom forced me to keep my hair long and highlight it blonde to be “pretty” I always tried to find ways to maintain some feeling of control such as by dressing in comfortable boys clothes to try to maintain some feeling of autonomy.

     

    As soon as I got out from under my mom’s thumb and got adult autonomy the first thing I did (besides completely cutting my brother out of my life) was cutting off all my hair and then dying it colors like purple and teal and pink. Anything to just enjoy having control over my own hair and feeling like it was actually mine and not anyone else’s.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Very good observations! I imagine Shez gets off a little lighter as she’s not his biological daughter. So long hair is enough to keep him from making a fuss.
       
      The younger sisters hair/dress, much like Meriam’s are absolutely a product of Chris’ will tho.

      1

  7. Tyto

    I’m so glad Meriam understood immediately that they need to leave because it won’t get better.
     

    I just can’t imagine having to stay in that house, just the thought of it utterly suffocating.
    If there was any fairness in the world no woman or girl would ever need to be this strong…

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Couldn’t agree more 💔

      1

  8. Ms. Clicker

    This scene is as old as time. I remember this story from a women’s group in my country; a woman who was being abused by her husband and she had no family to go to since he had moved her away from her town, and her husband was cousins with a high rank soldier (military has a lot of influence over police) so not a lot of people were willing to help.

     

    She began fixing clothes for money, and she saved whatever she could in the center of a mango tree that grew behind her house. It was hard because, whenever this guy flew off the handle; besides the treatment you can imagine she went through; he also liked to took whatever money he found around the house and spend it all in a single night drinking. Which it’s hard, because all they had where they lived was cheap beer, rum, maybe whisky or vodka if you go to high end places.

     

    She fortunately made it without her husband ever finding out about the money. One day he asked her to go to a neighboring city to pick up some furniture he had sent to repair, and she knew that was her chance. She picked up the money she had saved, she bagged whatever she could for the trip, and took a bust that left her the closest to her town.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      That poor woman – incredibly resourceful, though! It’s kind of baffling how arrogant abusive men can be, the fact he had trust in her always returning and let her travel to another town.
       
      Hope she’s remained safe since then 💜

      1

      1. Ms. Clicker

        She is safe as far as I heard!
        He was mostly secure that his cousin was going to help intimidate her into staying with his connections; But I’m guessing his small-town-soldier authority didn’t reach as far as he imagined. But yeah- oof! You gyns don’t know the amount of stories I got. These women were hiding money EVERYWHERE. Coins inside broken house foundation, under shaky closet veneer, inside picture frames; one woman hid bills in the seams of her leather boots, and she re-stitched them almost every single time.

        1

        1. rustyhearts

          Thank goodness! Glad he was wrong ❤️
           
          And thank you for sharing. These women are seriously so resourceful. Resewing the boot seams everytime!!! Like damn!
           

          I remember reading about a woman who hid rolled up money in her old tampon packets – because she knew he would never look there.

  9. TifHater

    I love how Meriam IMMEDIATELY decided to leave him. Having to take time to save money was only out of concern for ALL her daughters. At no point was Chris prioritized over Shez or ANY of them.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      I imagine Meriam already feels tremendous guilt for the way Shez’s life began, and it definitely developed an even stronger protective streak when it comes to her children. She’s determined to “make up” for the lives they have been dealt.

  10. TifHater

    Also it just hit me—-Crystal and Karissa. He named the daughters after himself.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Yeah 😔😔😔

      1

      1. SBD

        Guessing the next sister will be named Kristen or Cristine. Or maybe he’ll be even stingier and name her after his grandfather or an uncle??? Like, the audacity knows no bounds 😔

        1
        0

        1. rustyhearts

          Excellent guesses 💔

          1

  11. Jay

    I doubt anything would have changed even if Meriam called the police/took Shez to the hospital, my dad got the police and social services called on him more times than I can count but nothing ever came of it, despite the MRA myths, every facet of the law is incredibly biased in men’s favour, especially abusive men, often times when fathers are abusive the mothers actually end up being punished the most in court for not “protecting the child from him”, even if the children weren’t the ones abused, women are still punished in courts for simply being abused in front of their children! And don’t even get me started on what happens to women who fight back, the laws around self-defence are so blatantly biased against women it’s insane.
     

    Add that to the fact that Meriam is an immigrant, a woman of colour, speaks little English from what I’ve seen, I’m assuming from her backstory she also has little education and probably can’t drive, and if she leaves Chris she’ll be a single mother who now has way more children than she could reasonably support on a single wage (I don’t think Chris was just holding out for a son, I think he was also baby trapping her), and all this defence is coming from someone whose mother did partake in her abuse, so believe me I’m not being biased, I truly believe Meriam is doing the best she can here.

    3

    1. rustyhearts

      God “the courts favour women!” one of my least favourite lies, that so many – even women have swallowed. I have spoken with women who were beaten by their husbands, who lost their children in the ensuing custody battle, who only got to see them every other weekend, STILL adamantly insist that the courts favour women. Both breaks my heart and boils my blood.
       
      I think you’re absolutely right though, and I think Meriam had the same thoughts you did. Painfully aware she has no allies in a foreign country’s legal system.
       
      And you’re absolutely correct about the baby trapping. Amazing how many terms men invent to justify their hatred of women are simply projections of their own behaviour towards them.

      2

  12. Brazillian Terf

    Wait, Shez has three younger sisters. That means her mom is gonna get pregnant one more time before leaving… My prediction is that Chris will learn it is another girl not a boy then he’ll try to hit Shez’ mom and Shez’ will hit him in the balls and finally they will leave

    1

  13. SBD

    According to google estimations of hair growth, this is a timeline of 2-4 years given the length of Shamzey’s mane?? How excruciating it must have been for them to wait all that while performing normalcy day after day so he doesnt find out and takes their money or beats Shez again 😭 oof

    Wishing Casting and Manifesting a Synoeca warrior wasp stinging his dick ASAP.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Closer to the 1.5 – 2 year mark, yes! (I played pretty fast and loose with the hair growth accuracy 😅
      Shez is about 13.5 years old here.)
       
      But yes, still a substantial amount of time to play pretend around an unpredictable predator 🙁

  14. anonymoo

    Men fight in man-made wars because of their own stupidity, creating problems over land and wealth and their man-made religions because they are intellectually unable to solve problems without violence and bloodshed. They think they’re “heroes” for having the conflict resolution skills of a wild animal. Meanwhile, women fight real battles of survival everyday against the primitive creatures they’re forced to share society with. This is a hero story worth telling.

    3

  15. MysteryCat

    I love the colour scheme on these recent pages, it does a good job a presenting an odd unerving feeling that everything is wrong and things are dangerous. Probably how Shez feels looking back, now she can properly understand how bad a situation this was.

    1

    1. Jay

      I had the same feeling about the colour pallet! Makes me think of the saying “it’s always darkest before the dawn”, this chapter is truly the dawn of Shez so the colours are super fitting.

      3

    2. rustyhearts

      Thank you! I am so, so glad I ended up going with it over the original planned greyscale. Happy so many of you ladies have been enjoying it too 🥰

      1

  16. Normal person

    I admit that a part of me automatically wanted to resent Meriam for failing to protect her child, but I think now a bigger part just feels sympathy. It’s easy to cast judgement on her, but seeing the shame, guilt, self-loathing and regret that she’s going through – while also actively planning for the future and wanting to leave – makes it really difficult to claim she could’ve done much more than she did.
     

    The last panel is so creepy, too. Poor little babies, of course it’s good that they’re happy (nnnnnot looking forward to their reaction to Meriam leaving Chris though, if he seemed like a caring dad to them then they won’t know any better) but the knowledge that they’re living under Chris’ thumb is so vile.
     

    And although I’m a big fan of the short haircuts that are common with characters in LB, I do find myself liking Shez’s long hair too! When I was around her age I let mine grow out a lot out of sheer laziness rather than any particular desire for femininity lmao. The bushiness of it is so cute, though I’m of course looking forward to seeing her break free and get to do what she wants with it.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      I think you’ve summed up how I hoped readers would feel about Meriam given her actions so far. There’s definitely much better decisions she could have made (re: not trusting Chris period more so than how she responded to violence in the moment), but she made them maliciously, and was made deeply vulnerable by Shez’s father and his actions.
       
      Glad the creep factor came across in the final panel. Definitely trust your gut re: the younger sisters and conflicting feelings about Chris.
       
      And thank you! I had a lot of fun drawing the longer hair looks 🥰 very much looking forward to future reactions to it from readers as it continues to grow.

  17. Crypty

    I’m weirdly worried about Shez’s sisters here. Like we know Shez and Meriam are gonna get out ok but I worry about what having this bag of dogshit as a father will do to those poor girls. They’re particularly vulnerable since they’re biologically his too. God only fuckin knows what the third one is gonna be named. I was going over names in my head and fuck it this guy loves his car and himself so fuckin much maybe he’ll name his third kid Chrysler 4 Dodge Derango or some shit.
     

    Anyways I hope they will grow up to be safe, happy, and healthy.

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Not naming her after his car 😭😭😭😭
       
      Very good points about how they will be affected due to him being their bio father tho 🙁

    2. SBD

      Chrysler fits the legacy pattern 😱

      You might be onto something. In one of my friends family there is a guy who changed his legal name because he hated that his father named him Ferrari + father name. The dad was a fan of those cars but could not afford one and the mom had chosen the previous kid (daughter) name so it was his turn to decide. The son changed both names, and wanna know the worst part?? when the father found out about the name change he got big mad at the son and didnt speak to him for 4 months. Can you imagine if your mom named you like, Kleenex?? Motorola?? Insanity!!! 💀💀

      1
      1

  18. werewol

    this whole flashback event has been amazing, but something that jumps out of me is the use of color! the palette for shez’s story is so unique and gorgeous, and creates a rly vivid, dramatic mood…have loved seeing your art style develop over the course of this comic <3

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

      1

  19. anon

    I’m in pretty much the same position as the anon who commented on the last page—I’m a “gendie” who started reading LB as a part of my effort to engage with other perspectives, especially the perspectives of other women who I otherwise disagree with on such big topics. But I’ve really enjoyed reading LB no matter how differently we see things. It’s so refreshing to read a comic full of lesbian/bi women who aren’t gender conforming, and you’re also just a great storyteller! I especially am loving Shez’s backstory and I can’t wait for her to get her revenge on this fucker!!

    1

    1. rustyhearts

      Hey, welcome to the comment section and thanks so much for the kind words and for reading.
       
      Love that we can all be united in hating Chris 🤝🤝

      2

    2. ms woman none doctor

      Hey! Fellow “gendie” here, agree completely on the appreciating GNC women front. Nice to see there’s at least one other!

      1

  20. some rando

    I *know* this part of the story is very serious and I’ve seen and agreed with a lot of thoughtful comments about this terrible situation that Shez found herself in as a child, and I *know* this is a real tonal shift of a comment, but I haven’t seen anyone comment on the book that’s being read here and I cannot let the title ‘The Mega Hungry Beetle’ be ignored.

    2

    1. rustyhearts

      Had to give a nod to the picture book I was obsessed with as a very young child.

      1

  21. ShezLoverXX

    I love the coloring! Adds to the tone.

    I don’t think I’ve got input that hasn’t been said. But I do like that Meriam doesn’t hit the battered wife trope or turns on Shez (as of now). I like that she isn’t a stereotypical Asian mother either. Too much media, even “woke” types, use tiger mom stereotypes and shit. Can’t stand it. When female writers use it it feels like internalize misogyny.

    1. rustyhearts

      Thank you!
      I had to look up “tiger mom” – haven’t heard the phrase before – but familiar with the trope. Didn’t even cross my mind to apply here 😅😅
       
      I think Josie comes the closest to it, with how upset she was (and still is) about Jaden dropping out of med school. But, she also never pushed her to study, only encouraged and nutured. That and her push back against Jaden quitting is rooted in her own regrets of not getting an education, feeling trapped by her lot in life, which she tries to cope with by living vicariously through her children (Jacob moreso, now), rather than some pursuit of social status or bragging rights for herself – which I feel is often the reasoning given in this trope.
       
      Anyway, thanks again for the thoughtful comment 🥰

      1

  22. Tyto

    I´ve noticed Meriam using a bit of a broken English (or is it normal and I need to go back to school?) in the second panel and I just had this terrible thought – does Chris forbid other languages in the house? If so, none of the kids wouldn´t know enough of their mother´s language to communicate with her, so they can´t communicate in any way that he can´t undestand…

    2

    1. Tenbelow

      Oh no….. very nice catch. I didn’t think about that…… Shez got to grow up speaking her mother’s language, but with the other little girls it does seem VERY likely that he is only letting them grow up using English. Not only is he monopolizing their names, but also cutting them off from their mother’s culture…. You’re very smart to pick up on these details.

      2

    2. rustyhearts

      You are very on the ball! I did have a scene drafted where Chris gets irritated by Shez and Meriam communicating in her mother-tongue, and then forbid them from using it anymore. It ultimately got cut for narrative flow, but I think it’s absolutely something he would enforce – even if off screen.

      2

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