Please please tell me this backstory ends in this moid being far far away from shez and her family (and preferably very very dead) the fact that Miriam doesn’t have seemingly ANY support network other than her child daughter is the scariest part, she’s fully isolated here 🙁
Oh god, the adrenaline that rushed through me when I read his speech bubble before reading Shez’s description of the situation (“he NEARLY caught me”). That first panel is so well done! The colour, how large he seems, the way he is cast in shadow, the expression on Shez’s face. Truly terrifying.
This is more a thought about last update than this one, but whatever: Honestly, I think involving Shez in the plan was the best thing Meriam could have possibly done in the situation. Of course Shez is very young to have to deal with any of this, but it has already proven impossible to hide from her how bad their situation is. She’s old enough to understand why they can’t just leave immediately, but it must still be terrifying to live with the kind of uncertainty and fear that a violent man brings with him. Letting her help with the escape plan at least gives her some amount of control over the situation.
Others have said it before, but I genuinely love how you’ve portrayed Shez and Meriam as a team throughout this entire ordeal. They had already built a very loving and supportive relationship long before Chris ever became part of the picture, and they never turn on each other. It’s still sad they have to go through so much, but knowing they can always realy on each other really makes for a bright spot.
(Also, my prediction is that Meriam will try to appease Chris and make him forget about Shez’s strange behavior and this is how they end up with sister number four. Otherwise, why would this incident matter enough for Shez to bring it up?)
Yesss, intended jumscare: successful >:). Very proud of this one! When sitting with my test readers, there was an audible gasp from several of them on this page – so I’m happy to know it wasn’t a fluke!
I really like your perspective on Meriam including Shez in the escape plan. I agree that it is the much better choice between trying to keep her in the dark thinking they’ll be here indefinitely.
And yes, Shez and Meriam’s relationship is there to provide hope. Chris can break a lot of things, but it won’t be their love for eachother 🩷
I really hope you’re going to make another printed book of Leasebound, because this whole backstory would look gorgeous on paper. The color palette was already haunting, but the composition, Chris towering over Shez and Meriam, Meriam shadowed out as she pretends to be mad at Shez to protect her… it’s very expressive, sometimes scary, and I am looking forward to when they finally escape him.
I wonder if she undestands her mother´s “anger” in retrospect or as a kid already.
From my experience, if a parent, that never before raised their voice at you, does that – the initial reaction is still shock and hurt, which would make for quite a stark memory.
Those female survival instincts coming in clutch 😥 Seeing Meriam immediately rush to placate Chris here is so heartbreaking, having to play the submissive little housewife, wrapping her arms around her abuser and smiling lovingly up at him, just so she can put her body in between him and Shez, having to shout at and pretend to be mad at her daughter so she can send her to the safety of her room.
I don’t think we talk enough about how traumatic having to engage in this type behavior is for women. Men will say that men being abused or suffering from things seen as “women’s issues” is worse because it’s degrading for men to be “treat like women” and how “emasculating” it is for them, but nobody ever spares a thought to how traumatizing it is for women to have a lifetime of normalized and expected female mistreatment realized. Women crave dignity just as much as men, if not more as we’re often deprived of it.
A lot of women end up seeing their abuse as a personal failing because that’s how society sees it, female oppression doesn’t exist because men can be hurt too but when women are hurt, they are to blame because they should have known better… women are bashed for ghosting and giving fake numbers and crossing the road away from men and taking their drinks with them and texting their location to friends and not trusting men at every opportunity because how dare female victimization make men feel bad for even a second this is why men hate women!
Having to “play nice” and still be punished for it, still end up a statistic and told it’s your own fault because you should have known better and men actually have it worse because it’s normalized for women to be victims 🤪
You really summed up the whole “emasculation” thing, damn! You’re so right. Men want a special word for being stripped of their dignity, whereas it’s just expected for women. Beautiful commentary 🩷
Thank you, it was a fun challenge to dip my toes into this sort of dark, thriller/horror story telling.
Re: the colours. It’s actually a preset gradient that comes with Clip Studio Paint (the program I use).
Here is the page I made:
(Thumbnail)
(Final)
Here is the gradient filter I applied:
Basically, the colours get assigned on a scale of darkness, left to right. So the program decides which shade of grey most closely represents which colour within the gradient. While black becomes whatever colour is on the furthest left and white becomes whatver colour is on the furthest right.
It was a fantastic way for me to sharpen my understanding of values and depth – without feeling like I had to adhere to consistent lighting rules or colour pallets. It was great being able to just follow “what is the feeling I want to convey and what level of light/darkness will make them feel it?” There were times where I had to go back and redo the greyscale because it didn’t pop enough- which really got me to think about it more.
before i read the “close call” part I was like NOO! TELL HIM ITS MENSTRUAL PRODUCTS hoping he feels grossed out and wont inspect 😭 😭
he’s gonna hit Meriam isn’t he?? Then she’ll be trapped again waiting for baby Chrysler… unless the other sister is a result of cheating (he’s a predator after all) and they adopt her after freeing themselves.
I think telling him is menstrual products would be even riskier, “who told you can go and buy these?” and the fact they’re far of everything… This moid is a serial psycho.
I honestly have no words to describe the pain I feel for both mother and daughter here. I mean, even today, it’s so hard to escape abusive fathers and husbands. The media labels the mom as nasty for daring to take her kids away from the abuser, because “a normal family needs a father.” Nah, the kids need safety. Shez is so young and she’s forced–alongside her mom–to raise that money so they can afford to escape (alongside the younger sisters, who are oblivious because they’re little and “dad” dotes on them).
Love the representation of mothers who give their all for their daughters, though I’m scared to see Riley’s mom in comparison to how Meriam is such a great mother, knowing Riley’s mom was basically forcing Riley into femininity and strict gender roles (whereas Meriam, who comes from a Muslim country, was able to let her eldest daughter have short hair and look non-uber feminine).
I would also bring up Josie, but everyone’s gushed about how great Josie is so I’ll just say she’s amazing and I feel for her, suffering cause male terminal illness hurts women so much. (i forgot what Jacobus even had sorry lol)
I think it would be fine to bring up Josie, I love Josie but she has also made mistakes and continues to make mistakes. She’s so much harder on her daughter then she is on her son. Even if Josie maybe feels like that’s good mothering (the world is harder for women then it is for men, so she may feel some need to make SURE that Jaden is TOUGH like Josie is TOUGH) it is a huge mistake for Josie to be so much more lenient and nice with her son. It’s a terrible feeling to be a daughter and to have a quiet understanding that there is a Special Love for the son that will never be for you. Loving a character doesn’t mean that we ignore her flaws. Every character that Rusty writes for us is Very Human, and will make mistakes. And because they are fake people who aren’t even real, we can talk about them in a way that might not be so nice to discuss a real women. We can’t hurt Josie’s feelings, she is not real.
I don’t want you to feel like just because you’re in a minority opinion that means your opinion is Lesser in some way. Women sharing minority opinions can open up our minds. Whatever your thoughts are on Josie, I’m certain they are valuable! I hope you will share them!
I have an inkling that maybe the third sister, as gyns have said above, comes from Meriam placating the moid and her birth will be the way she, Shez, and the rest get out, unless shes forced to give birth at home- if I was a health professional and saw the bruises on Meriam and Shez’s eye- well the conclusion isnt hard to make.
Amazing job as always Mrs. Rusty!! I audibly did a squeak when i clicked on this page and scared my cat lol- I adore the way this is formatted but also HURTS because I know that Shez and co. Arnt out of the woods yet :/
(Also personal update I felt like sharing- Not only have Ive almost finished revising this story/comic im writing on (A kinda high fantasy story ab a woman who gets iskekaied to the villains body and works with her in order to get the og villain back into her body but also so the two can live a comfortable, happy life (also revenge lol)) but I kinda maybe have a girlfriend now! I am a Bundle of Nerves haha-)
I will say: all three of Shez’s sisters were born at home 🙁
There wasn’t room to explicitly say it in the story Shez is telling but, yeah 🙁
Thank you for hanging on through this <3
And congratulations on finishing the writing portion of your comic, that's fantastic!! Please, please PLease don't hesitate to let us know where we can read/support it when you're at that stage <3 Also, wishing you all the best with your maybe-girlfriend <333
okay but this is my least favorite page so far 🙂 thanks rusty i hate it, great job it’s terrible
Meriam forcing herself to be loving and intimate with the beast she is so desperate to get away from the Thing that hurt HER PRECIOUS DAUGHTER who is being so loyal and helping her try to escape makes me SICK. SICK. she loved him before and it was much more willing. he was always a monster but now she knows she is a monster and. now she is. sharing her body with. that. i wanna vomit. and pretending she likes it. I WANNA VOMIT IT. I HATE IT. THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN IN LEASEBOUND is it? …. YEAH IT IS. THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN IN LEASEBOUND. CRIMINAL. YOU ARE A CRIMINAL you’re not criminal you’re showing the realities of things women go through and how horrid and dangerous men can be and promising us a happy ending when we get through it BUT I STILL HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE THIS PART I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.
sighs
anyway 🙂 i love the contrast between Shez’s adult perspective and her child perspective. We have her adult perspective in the text. Mum got between us. With hindsight she understands this was an act of protection, an act of sacrifice to keep her beloved daughter save. But then we have the visuals, all child perspective, all scary. For the first time we are seeing Meri all shadowed. No Eyes. Meriam is a scary figure in this, Shez doesn’t know what’s going on as a child in the moment, afraid that mom is actually mad at her. Maybe worried she screwed things up by getting caught. Maybe she will feel guilt for getting caught. In this moment Meriam is being forced to transform into someone that Shez doesn’t recongize in order to placate the abuser. she seems to be aligning herself with Chris rather then her own daughter. Also I like the shadow/eyelessness as like a feeling of dissociation. oh the horrible things Meriam had to do in this situation….. This is very effective blending of writing and art, one of those awesome ways you can FLEX comics as a medium. The duality of adult and child perspective is just really fantastic.
Very powerful very effective page that I hate. I wonder if I will hate the next page less then this one or if I’ll hate it even more! Woo hoo! At least it’s all going to end eventually! We’re going to get out of this BadPlace. gonna be so great when we get to meet modern Meriam. gonna be nice when we get to see these women being happy.
Everyone else has already made amazing comments about the page and all the complicated (and mostly upsetting) emotions it invokes, so all my comment is going to be is that I love how much Shez looks like a cat here. ;_;
29 thoughts on “CH12P12”
Charly
Please please tell me this backstory ends in this moid being far far away from shez and her family (and preferably very very dead) the fact that Miriam doesn’t have seemingly ANY support network other than her child daughter is the scariest part, she’s fully isolated here 🙁
rustyhearts
Shez is indeed all she had at this point in time 😔💔
Parniya’s biggest fan
Good on mum for protecting her babies like that! I hope she never dates/marries another man again!!
rustyhearts
Awoman🙏!
anonymoo
I hope Shez understands her mother’s motive for yelling 🙁
rustyhearts
With time, she definitely did 🙁
Anita
Oh god, the adrenaline that rushed through me when I read his speech bubble before reading Shez’s description of the situation (“he NEARLY caught me”). That first panel is so well done! The colour, how large he seems, the way he is cast in shadow, the expression on Shez’s face. Truly terrifying.
This is more a thought about last update than this one, but whatever: Honestly, I think involving Shez in the plan was the best thing Meriam could have possibly done in the situation. Of course Shez is very young to have to deal with any of this, but it has already proven impossible to hide from her how bad their situation is. She’s old enough to understand why they can’t just leave immediately, but it must still be terrifying to live with the kind of uncertainty and fear that a violent man brings with him. Letting her help with the escape plan at least gives her some amount of control over the situation.
Others have said it before, but I genuinely love how you’ve portrayed Shez and Meriam as a team throughout this entire ordeal. They had already built a very loving and supportive relationship long before Chris ever became part of the picture, and they never turn on each other. It’s still sad they have to go through so much, but knowing they can always realy on each other really makes for a bright spot.
(Also, my prediction is that Meriam will try to appease Chris and make him forget about Shez’s strange behavior and this is how they end up with sister number four. Otherwise, why would this incident matter enough for Shez to bring it up?)
rustyhearts
Yesss, intended jumscare: successful >:). Very proud of this one! When sitting with my test readers, there was an audible gasp from several of them on this page – so I’m happy to know it wasn’t a fluke!
I really like your perspective on Meriam including Shez in the escape plan. I agree that it is the much better choice between trying to keep her in the dark thinking they’ll be here indefinitely.
And yes, Shez and Meriam’s relationship is there to provide hope. Chris can break a lot of things, but it won’t be their love for eachother 🩷
Re your prediction: Oh boy 😔😔
Blais
I really hope you’re going to make another printed book of Leasebound, because this whole backstory would look gorgeous on paper. The color palette was already haunting, but the composition, Chris towering over Shez and Meriam, Meriam shadowed out as she pretends to be mad at Shez to protect her… it’s very expressive, sometimes scary, and I am looking forward to when they finally escape him.
rustyhearts
Yes, I have every intention of printing all of LB!
There have been a few setbacks re: a volume 1 reprint + volume 2 print this year, but I’m slowly working out the kinks 💪
Tyto
I wonder if she undestands her mother´s “anger” in retrospect or as a kid already.
From my experience, if a parent, that never before raised their voice at you, does that – the initial reaction is still shock and hurt, which would make for quite a stark memory.
rustyhearts
She definitely did with time, rest assured 🩷 in the moment I imagine it left Shez feeling very conflicted and hurt.
Jay
Those female survival instincts coming in clutch 😥 Seeing Meriam immediately rush to placate Chris here is so heartbreaking, having to play the submissive little housewife, wrapping her arms around her abuser and smiling lovingly up at him, just so she can put her body in between him and Shez, having to shout at and pretend to be mad at her daughter so she can send her to the safety of her room.
I don’t think we talk enough about how traumatic having to engage in this type behavior is for women. Men will say that men being abused or suffering from things seen as “women’s issues” is worse because it’s degrading for men to be “treat like women” and how “emasculating” it is for them, but nobody ever spares a thought to how traumatizing it is for women to have a lifetime of normalized and expected female mistreatment realized. Women crave dignity just as much as men, if not more as we’re often deprived of it.
A lot of women end up seeing their abuse as a personal failing because that’s how society sees it, female oppression doesn’t exist because men can be hurt too but when women are hurt, they are to blame because they should have known better… women are bashed for ghosting and giving fake numbers and crossing the road away from men and taking their drinks with them and texting their location to friends and not trusting men at every opportunity because how dare female victimization make men feel bad for even a second this is why men hate women!
Having to “play nice” and still be punished for it, still end up a statistic and told it’s your own fault because you should have known better and men actually have it worse because it’s normalized for women to be victims 🤪
rustyhearts
You really summed up the whole “emasculation” thing, damn! You’re so right. Men want a special word for being stripped of their dignity, whereas it’s just expected for women. Beautiful commentary 🩷
Ada
Nailing the horror movie vibes, I legit got goosebumps from that first panel.
How did you choose this color scheme for this chapter? It’s an amazing choice and works so well, but what made you think of it?
rustyhearts
Thank you, it was a fun challenge to dip my toes into this sort of dark, thriller/horror story telling.
Re: the colours. It’s actually a preset gradient that comes with Clip Studio Paint (the program I use).
Here is the page I made:
(Thumbnail)
(Final)
Here is the gradient filter I applied:
Basically, the colours get assigned on a scale of darkness, left to right. So the program decides which shade of grey most closely represents which colour within the gradient. While black becomes whatever colour is on the furthest left and white becomes whatver colour is on the furthest right.
It was a fantastic way for me to sharpen my understanding of values and depth – without feeling like I had to adhere to consistent lighting rules or colour pallets. It was great being able to just follow “what is the feeling I want to convey and what level of light/darkness will make them feel it?” There were times where I had to go back and redo the greyscale because it didn’t pop enough- which really got me to think about it more.
SBD
before i read the “close call” part I was like NOO! TELL HIM ITS MENSTRUAL PRODUCTS hoping he feels grossed out and wont inspect 😭 😭
he’s gonna hit Meriam isn’t he?? Then she’ll be trapped again waiting for baby Chrysler… unless the other sister is a result of cheating (he’s a predator after all) and they adopt her after freeing themselves.
aaaghh friday come fast!!
Nonnie
I think telling him is menstrual products would be even riskier, “who told you can go and buy these?” and the fact they’re far of everything… This moid is a serial psycho.
rustyhearts
💔💔💔
ShezLoverXX
I honestly have no words to describe the pain I feel for both mother and daughter here. I mean, even today, it’s so hard to escape abusive fathers and husbands. The media labels the mom as nasty for daring to take her kids away from the abuser, because “a normal family needs a father.” Nah, the kids need safety. Shez is so young and she’s forced–alongside her mom–to raise that money so they can afford to escape (alongside the younger sisters, who are oblivious because they’re little and “dad” dotes on them).
Love the representation of mothers who give their all for their daughters, though I’m scared to see Riley’s mom in comparison to how Meriam is such a great mother, knowing Riley’s mom was basically forcing Riley into femininity and strict gender roles (whereas Meriam, who comes from a Muslim country, was able to let her eldest daughter have short hair and look non-uber feminine).
I would also bring up Josie, but everyone’s gushed about how great Josie is so I’ll just say she’s amazing and I feel for her, suffering cause male terminal illness hurts women so much. (i forgot what Jacobus even had sorry lol)
Tenbelow
I think it would be fine to bring up Josie, I love Josie but she has also made mistakes and continues to make mistakes. She’s so much harder on her daughter then she is on her son. Even if Josie maybe feels like that’s good mothering (the world is harder for women then it is for men, so she may feel some need to make SURE that Jaden is TOUGH like Josie is TOUGH) it is a huge mistake for Josie to be so much more lenient and nice with her son. It’s a terrible feeling to be a daughter and to have a quiet understanding that there is a Special Love for the son that will never be for you. Loving a character doesn’t mean that we ignore her flaws. Every character that Rusty writes for us is Very Human, and will make mistakes. And because they are fake people who aren’t even real, we can talk about them in a way that might not be so nice to discuss a real women. We can’t hurt Josie’s feelings, she is not real.
I don’t want you to feel like just because you’re in a minority opinion that means your opinion is Lesser in some way. Women sharing minority opinions can open up our minds. Whatever your thoughts are on Josie, I’m certain they are valuable! I hope you will share them!
BlackSwallowtail
I’m guessing this is how Shez’s third younger sister comes about. 🙁
rustyhearts
😔😔😔
Cath (Gonna start biting like a rabid dog)
I have an inkling that maybe the third sister, as gyns have said above, comes from Meriam placating the moid and her birth will be the way she, Shez, and the rest get out, unless shes forced to give birth at home- if I was a health professional and saw the bruises on Meriam and Shez’s eye- well the conclusion isnt hard to make.
Amazing job as always Mrs. Rusty!! I audibly did a squeak when i clicked on this page and scared my cat lol- I adore the way this is formatted but also HURTS because I know that Shez and co. Arnt out of the woods yet :/
(Also personal update I felt like sharing- Not only have Ive almost finished revising this story/comic im writing on (A kinda high fantasy story ab a woman who gets iskekaied to the villains body and works with her in order to get the og villain back into her body but also so the two can live a comfortable, happy life (also revenge lol)) but I kinda maybe have a girlfriend now! I am a Bundle of Nerves haha-)
rustyhearts
I will say: all three of Shez’s sisters were born at home 🙁
There wasn’t room to explicitly say it in the story Shez is telling but, yeah 🙁
Thank you for hanging on through this <3
And congratulations on finishing the writing portion of your comic, that's fantastic!! Please, please PLease don't hesitate to let us know where we can read/support it when you're at that stage <3 Also, wishing you all the best with your maybe-girlfriend <333
Tenbelow
okay but this is my least favorite page so far 🙂 thanks rusty i hate it, great job it’s terrible
Meriam forcing herself to be loving and intimate with the beast she is so desperate to get away from the Thing that hurt HER PRECIOUS DAUGHTER who is being so loyal and helping her try to escape makes me SICK. SICK. she loved him before and it was much more willing. he was always a monster but now she knows she is a monster and. now she is. sharing her body with. that. i wanna vomit. and pretending she likes it. I WANNA VOMIT IT. I HATE IT. THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN IN LEASEBOUND is it? …. YEAH IT IS. THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN IN LEASEBOUND. CRIMINAL. YOU ARE A CRIMINAL you’re not criminal you’re showing the realities of things women go through and how horrid and dangerous men can be and promising us a happy ending when we get through it BUT I STILL HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE THIS PART I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.
sighs
anyway 🙂 i love the contrast between Shez’s adult perspective and her child perspective. We have her adult perspective in the text. Mum got between us. With hindsight she understands this was an act of protection, an act of sacrifice to keep her beloved daughter save. But then we have the visuals, all child perspective, all scary. For the first time we are seeing Meri all shadowed. No Eyes. Meriam is a scary figure in this, Shez doesn’t know what’s going on as a child in the moment, afraid that mom is actually mad at her. Maybe worried she screwed things up by getting caught. Maybe she will feel guilt for getting caught. In this moment Meriam is being forced to transform into someone that Shez doesn’t recongize in order to placate the abuser. she seems to be aligning herself with Chris rather then her own daughter. Also I like the shadow/eyelessness as like a feeling of dissociation. oh the horrible things Meriam had to do in this situation….. This is very effective blending of writing and art, one of those awesome ways you can FLEX comics as a medium. The duality of adult and child perspective is just really fantastic.
Very powerful very effective page that I hate. I wonder if I will hate the next page less then this one or if I’ll hate it even more! Woo hoo! At least it’s all going to end eventually! We’re going to get out of this BadPlace. gonna be so great when we get to meet modern Meriam. gonna be nice when we get to see these women being happy.
rustyhearts
(hold out for page 15 breastie, until then U_U sorry, sorry, sorry)
Normal person
Everyone else has already made amazing comments about the page and all the complicated (and mostly upsetting) emotions it invokes, so all my comment is going to be is that I love how much Shez looks like a cat here. ;_;
rustyhearts
Omg 🤣🤣 not an observation I was expecting!!
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